My "Philosophy"

It seems that the introduction period has passed, but as I have gone un-introduced, I will not forbear.

I come from a home where my mother kept everything perfect, didn't require us to help and still thought her own house was "a mess" (because the windowsills hadn't been vacuumed or something). So I came to my own with impossible standards and no skills. :S

I have learned a lot about keeping house since living on my own and being married. Especially about what works for me and how I am different (and still wonderful) from my mother.

It would be impossible for me to explain my cleaning style without a word about mental illness. I have struggled for the 20 years of my life that I can remember with feelings that I could not explain, understand, or handle. It has been diagnosed and misdiagnosed many times. But without too many private details, I will say that I am continuing my healing and have wonderful professional support.

As for the cleaning, it often took last priority when I was not functioning. I have never been able to keep a schedule or routine and often berated myself because I saw those skills as virtues that were required in order to be a worthy person. My house, my appearance, and my family all suffered frequently from neglect.

So now that I have quite a busy family with a million needs, I choose my cleaning based on needs. For example,

The baby needs a blanket without pee on it. So I do a load of laundry.

We need dinner dishes. So I wash dishes.

My husband needs a living room that doesn't drive him up the walls. So I tidy and declutter the living room.

It gets pretty chaotic, but sometimes I get ahead and anticipate needs.

Also, we frequently have to prioritize needs. (This is not my actual order, it is of necessity not linear.) For example: love, hunger, personal cleanliness, sleep, health, emotional health, need to be outside, need for structure/routine, need for personal attention/time with mom, need for new ideas/exploration, need for exercise/movement, need for feeling the Spirit, etc.

So, as I heal and have more energy, more needs get met and kids' behavior improves allowing me to meet more needs (and helping my husband to do more--one of his biggest needs is peace--kids who are obedient).

So my overall strategy is flexibility but doing my best. Sometimes we spend all day in our jammies (okay, more days than not), but I still make dinner on time. Or I leave the dishes and we go outside because that need is more pressing in the moment. And eventually I'll do the dishes and then we'll go out.

I also recognize that I'm making good habits now and they will carry through when my boys are older. So even though the counter is so full we can barely stack the dishes, I still require my kids to clear their plates after dinner. (Just because we are living like hooligans for the moment, doesn't mean we may behave badly.)

So, there it is. I try lists and structure on and off. If it helps I keep it, if not, I don't. But right now it's a balance of needs, emotional health, and relationships.